The unfortunate truth is that, though the term “gaslighting” was a relatively new one for me in recent years, my experience of it has been lifelong.

“Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment.” - Wikipedia

It’s an insidious form of abuse because it can often start off subtly and build over time, and while it may happen most often in intimate relationships, it can also be experienced in parent-child relationships, the workplace, doctor’s offices, politics, and institutions.

It can rob survivors of their sense of self, their authentic voice, and keep them from trusting their intuition because they are being repeatedly caused to doubt themselves, feel shame, feel inferior, less intelligent, unreliable, or less credible than the abuser.

Many survivors even come to question their sanity. And it can also lead the way to other forms of abuse, including physical and sexual.

My Personal Experience

For years I was in a string of toxic relationships where I was routinely manipulated, verbally degraded, shamed for my flaws and failings, accused of being “too sensitive”, or that when I tried to assert my own boundaries or needs that “It was always about me”.

As a healer, I can see how this stems back to my childhood.

I remember how often I would feel undermined, disempowered, or dismissed by a close family member who was domineering and abusive.

They’d turn the tables so that they would always be the hero, martyr or victim, and their behavior cast in a favorable light. Thoughts or opinions contrary to their own were immediately discounted. Violent or cruel punishments were doled out and defended as “discipline, not abuse”.

It was always about their feelings, their needs, their version of the story.

Too often I felt unheard, invalidated, powerless, wrong, and afraid. And this has patterned out through many of my friendships, relationships, and workplace experiences as an adult.

I can now reflect on my years as a healer in New York City and see the blatant contrast in who I was in and out of the healing room. My healing work and space was my solace – there I felt empowered, centered, certain.

But the minute I stepped out my healing space and returned to the reality of my personal life, I had to face the feelings of being the miserably flawed, insecure, failure of person I believed myself to be.

I chose to heal myself, and though the path to recovery was long and took patience, I was able to reclaim my sense of worth, personal power, and truth.

And you can, too.

Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is real, and it takes you away from your power.

Here are some signs of gaslighting according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Countering: Your memories + your ability to remember things accurately is repeatedly doubted and questioned.
Withholding: The abuser refuses to engage in the conversation, either dismissing you as being wrong or confusing, or ignoring you outright.
Trivializing: Your feelings are belittled or disregarded, or you’re shamed for showing or expressing your emotions.
Denial: This can lies ranging from “little white” to outright about what was said or what happened, as well as pretending not to remember, and even accusing you of making things up or twisting the version of events.
Diverting: Blame-shifting, changing the subject or focus, or questioning your credibility.
Stereotyping: Gaslighters will employ negative gender, sexual, ethnic, race, or age stereotypes to manipulate and abuse.

What To Do

It’s important to bear in mind that gaslighters “… are denying your reality for a reason…and refusing to accept responsibility for their behaviors.” (https://www.thehotline.org)

Gaslighters seek to control you by controlling the narrative – they shape the story the way they want it to be told – so trying to argue or convince them of another perspective will just be a waste of your time and energy.

Here are some ways you can find help, and also some crystal healing for gaslighting suggestions that helped me:

*Image Source:* *Priscilla Du Preez @priscilladupreez*

Prioritize self-care. Regular self-care practices or routines help to reinforce your sense of self-worth and can help provide the space + energy for recovery. Whether it’s getting out for walks, taking time to process what’s happening to you, meditating, or working with crystals, maintaining a mind-body connection can help you stay centered in your truth.
Collect proof. The National Domestic Violence Hotline site recommends collecting proof of incidents of abuse or circumstances by writing them down in a secret journal, taking voice memos or photographs, or sharing them with someone you trust. This helps provide proof to yourself that yes, indeed, this did happen or this was said, which can undermine your abusers attempts at gaslighting and also keep you from doubting yourself. It can also be used as evidence should anything come to legal action.
Reach out for help and support. Part of what gaslighters seek to do is isolate you from those you love so that you become more dependent on your abuser. Remember, they’re seeking to control you. Reach out to people you trust so that you can share with them what’s happening and receive support.
I also strongly encourage you to call a helpline, or talk to a counselor or therapist so that you can receive objective guidance and support. In my experience, I had a couple of friends who thought I just needed to “toughen up” or ignore my abuser’s behavior, which of course was a projection of their own wounding and didn’t help me.

Crystal Healing Practices to Help Support Your Recovery

Based on my experience, the following crystals + healing practices can help support you in your recovery.

Trust what resonates for you, or wear one from each category in a pouch (or pocket or your bra) on a daily basis. Be sure to clear their energy daily if you’re wearing them daily. You can also incorporate one or more into your meditation practice.

Grounding crystals

Grounding is essential. This helps keep you in your power, mindful, and present. You’re less likely to be manipulated, and more likely to seek out help and support. My top suggestions are hematite, which is grounding, empowering, steadfast in its energy, and supports us in maintaining healthy boundaries and breaking harmful patterns or attachments, and bloodstone, which is grounding, centering, and emotionally stabililzing. This can be particularly supportive if you’re having trouble trusting your feelings, or if your feelings are being used against you by your abuser.

Intuition boosters:

“Gaslighting is a particularly insidious form of emotional abuse and is one of the most damaging because it veers toward having the victim of the abuse distance themselves from their intuition.” – Kate Balestrieri, PsyD. Most crystals have a positive impact on our intuition in one form or another, but my top recommendations are: Chrysocolla, because it also helps us to listen to and feel compassion for ourselves, and amethyst, because it helps us to maintain a more positive mindset and pull out of negative forms of thinking or believing.

Memory:

Crystals that can help enhance the accuracy of your memory, which in turn can encourage you to trust it, are sodalite, fluorite, onyx, and lapis lazuli.

Self-love:

Any pink or deep red crystal will generally help to improve your sense of self-worth, self-love, and self-esteem, but I particularly recommend pink tourmaline, which is gentle, soothing, and yet very powerful, or rhodochrosite that helps support us in healing from trauma, abuse, and emotional wounding.

Courage to communicate:

My friends, I know from a very deep and true place how much courage it takes to make the choice to heal and to reach out for help. From the bottom of my heart: know that you are not alone, and know that you can do this. Blue crystals in general help to expand the throat chakra and increase our ability to communicate, but I recommend aquamarine if you feel you need a boost in courage and soothing of fears, or blue kyanite which has the added benefit of helping us to articulate our thoughts and perceptions with greater clarity and conviction.

Empowerment/Confidence/Self-Trust:

This, I think, was the most challenging part for me, and I can honestly say that I’m still working on the confidence bit, but at the same time I can also say that I’m the strongest that I’ve ever been. Crystals were massive for me in this process, and my top recommendations are aragonite star cluster, a deep and powerful healing stone that helps you to reclaim your power + sovereignty, and chrysoprase, that helps to support you in reclaiming your sense of personal power + confidence, while also helping you to emotionally heal from the effects of trauma or abuse.

As a final note…

I’d like to repeat: know that you are not alone, and know that you can do this. It has been my profound experience that when the decision is made to heal, healing is inevitable.

Even if you’re not sure that this is happening to you, risk reaching out and asking for some objective guidance and advice. You have a divine right to joy, and it’s worth reclaiming. TRUST.

Sweet blessings to you,
Krista