Have You Been Conditioned To Compromise?
Last week something very valuable was brought to my attention. I was envisioning my business plan for the remainder of the year, and thinking about which courses and events, healing circles, etc., I could fit in between teaching my online certification course, and writing my second book.
Having been a healer for so many years, I've become accustomed to having my fingers in lots of pies in order to hobble together my income. Client sessions, courses, meditation circles, eProduct, special events, and so on. I know for a fact that many pro healers, as well as artists, designers, yoga teachers, and coaches (to name but a few), are in the same boat.
The list of my offerings can go on and on; I'm a very creative person, and I passionately love my work. But at the same time, the Fall/Winter schedule I was contemplating was, well, exhausting. When I push myself too hard, the joy seeps away and the magic sputters. I've been consciously learning not to do that anymore.
As I looked at the vision in my mind, my guidance spoke up (I refer to my numerous guides collectively as "my guidance"): "But, what do you REALLY want to do? If the rest of the year could be ANY WAY you wanted it, what would you want?".
Me: "Hmm. Honest answer? I'd love to simply write my book, teach my CCH (certified crystal healer) course, and continue offering my 'Path of the Priestess' circles."
My guidance: "So why not just envision that? Why are you compromising?"
Me: "OMG, you're right!!!"
I realized, rather profoundly, that I was compromising my vision based on the experience of years passed, of believing I had to do more in order to earn more. I was smacked upside the head with my own lack mentality. Underlying my original vision was the presumption that I wouldn't be earning enough, or that there wouldn't be enough, and so I'd have to keep adding to my plate.
Do you recognize any of that action going on in your own life? Maybe it's not about money, maybe it's about the kind of job you think you can get, or the relationship you can have, how much you have to give in order to be valued, or in how little time/energy you can allow for yourself?
There are times when compromise can be healthy, but only when it ends somehow in a win. An example would be compromising to resolve a conflict between yourself and a loved one: you each get something out of the bargain, and you both get peace. That's a win.
But a compromise where you're left feeling deflated, defeated, exhausted, resentful, angry, dismissed, un-empowered, devalued, or hurt? Where your needs, truth, feelings, boundaries, or heart-based desires haven't been honored? Well honey that ain't healthy. That just plain sucks, and you can feel it.
Unhealthy compromise, deep down, is another sneaky face of FEAR.
I'll put it out there that I think the majority of us have been conditioned to compromise, and not in a healthy way. We shoot low, and then hope for the best. We give too much, and we don't receive enough. We rate ourselves somewhere in the middle. We don't put ourselves first, or even second.
If a soul could dent or bruise, I think this would do it.
It makes me sad to consider how many people, like myself, are conditioned to compromise, and who do so continually. We are made to SOAR, there is such greatness in the human spirit, and yet in how many lives is that greatness denied?
But rising up out of that sadness is a determination to help it shift, both for myself and others. Who are you to dim your shine? I'll answer that for myself: I'm someone who learned a long time ago that's what I'm supposed to do, and I hadn't fully realized how that was hurting me. Until now.
Conditioned to Compromise - How to Undo This
If this resonates for you, here are some quick tips to help you undo this conditioning:
Have an honest conversation with a trusted therapist, healer, friend, or guide (or even with yourself in your journal) and explore the places where you feel you've been compromising in your life, and why you feel you've been doing that. Work through whichever issues, old wounds, shadow beliefs, or underlying commitments are contributing to your habit of compromise.
Meditate while holding apophyllite in your receptive hand for 10 minutes to clear your mind, detach from your fear/ego, and come into the realm of your higher wisdom. Then ask yourself what you really want, if you could have anything for your life. Let the answers float up to you, then write them down. Make a list of action steps and start working towards them, even if you're not fully sure of how to. Action demonstrates faith - it has magic and power in it.
If a lot of your compromise stems from a place of low self-worth, work with the following crystals: Wear green aventurine, rubellite (red tourmaline), and nuumite on a daily basis to start shifting that energy imbalance.
Challenge yourself on a daily basis, in big ways and small, to give yourself more. Keep track of your progress, and reward yourself at the end of the week.
Make it a practice to catch yourself when you're compromising, and then make an opposite, more generous choice.
Conditioning happens when we think the same thing or make the same choice repeatedly; therefore UN-conditioning can happen in the same way.
The more you habitually reinforce your soul's vision with positive, empowered, loving choices, the more you'll shine and the happier you'll be. You're worth it. And ps. What happens when there's more empowered, happy, shiny people in the world? It begins to heal. I'd say that's a definite win!
